Branches in the Wind
Finally, I’m home. After working a late night, I finally finished a project that my boss pushed on me. It was all worth it though, because I had a great day ahead of me. The part I was most excited for though, was seeing my son. I finally won the custody battle against my ex-wife, so now I actually get to see him. I fixed up my old spare bedroom for him, although it looked bland in all white. I figured we would have some spare time later and we could make any changes he wanted. I lumbered up the stairs, and when he finally heard I was here, he quickly called me into his room.
“Daddy, I can’t sleep, there’s a monster in the window!”
Monsters, huh, that’s original for a kid.
“Oh don’t worry about that, it’s just the tree’s branches blowing in the wind, see?”
I pointed and showed him the branch tapping against the window pane. He trusted me enough to calm himself down, and I kissed him good night. Finally, time for sleep, I could hardly even see straight at this point. I walked across the hallway, and collapsed into my bed. I had too much on my plate to be dealing with monsters. I had to go with him to school the next day to get him signed up in our district, I had to buy him school clothes, I couldn’t even think straight. That’s when I heard him calling again. Man, I love the kid and all, but I needed some sleep!
“Daddy, the monster is back again!” he shrieked.
I looked to the window: nope, nothing but the tree’s branches. I walked over, and to prove it to him, I opened the window and turned back to him.
“See, it’s nothing but the tree, I told you, now go to sleep, you’ve got school in the morning.”
He was still a little startled from what I could see, but what could I do, I was just too damn tired. Again, I fell into the comfort of my bed. Then I heard a cry, and I had just had enough.
“Fine, I’ll just sleep in your bed with you, if you see any monsters, just hold tight to me.”
I walked back into his room, pulled back his red blanket, and lay next to the kid.
While I lay, eyes closed, my mind started wandering. Didn’t I buy white sheets for the bed? I looked at my son’s slit neck and realized my mistake. That’s when I heard the monster, except it wasn’t tapping at the glass; it was the footsteps from the opened window. I couldn’t help but laugh, how didn’t I realize I had no trees in my yard?
Credit To: Legendd
DERPNOTE: This pasta is a Crappypasta Success Story. That means that it received enough upvotes during its time on Crappypasta for it to be posted on the main archive. You can find its Crappypasta entry here. Thanks, everyone!
Branches in the Wind,
this is an average pasta but I found it surprisingly creepy to read with the palm tree swaying right outside my window…
It’s just the trees son. Wait a sec… I HAVE NO TREES!
Good attempt.
That’s just crap!
It’s a decent story as is, but I’m still sad it didn’t get the rewritten ending that it deserved. As is, it ends awkwardly.
Should’ve just stayed crappypasta.
The attitude of the narrator was irritating. He referred to his son as the “kid” and laughs after he finds his child dead. If I were the judge, I’d not give this man custody.
It’s strange how he referee to him as “the kid” but it shows how tired and irritated he was.
And I believe he was actually laughing at the irony of his mistake, knowing what his own fate was now…
That was decent and slightly spooky.
Decent pasta is decent.
There were no trees in the back yard ?. Never saw that one coming.
“I couldn’t help but laugh how I didn’t realize.. ”
>. <
Not bad at all, I suggest working on your grammar though. There were so many places I saw that required a question mark, or to start a new sentence and it threw me off a little. Also, you shouldn’t overuse words when describing something instead of saying “bland” twice, try replacing one of them with a synonym or more descriptive words. Again, not bad, but some edits would have made this much better.
Send it back to crappy pasta.
hey aww that a great storie im guessing its about The Slender Man..??
No, if it were about Slenderman, we would have just taken the child instead of murdered them in their bed.
who likes adventure time!!??!!??
LOLLLLZZZ
Wow, sweet and to the point. I like the twist at the end. Could have used more of a buildup though.
i really liked this one, could have been actually written better but the premise was good!!
It’s not easy to get out of crappypasta. This is an accomplishment.
This story represents an issue I have with many stories here. It’s well written and sets up a good fright, but in the end offers no explanation regarding where the monster/bad man/ etc. came from. That’s the really hard part of writing horror, but it’s what gets a story the 9 and 10 from me……
If you treat this piece as if it was written this way intentionally, it’s perfectly ingenious!
Congratulations!! Keep writing. Hope to see better work from you next time
Who laughs under they find out their kid is dead?
When the story was made to humor in the end even though he lead the readers to believe this would be a genuinely creepy story. I found it hilarious, I was expecting something serious but in the end the guy forgets about his impending death and only laughs at himself for not noticing something that shouldn’t have been there in the first place.
“Damn I’m stupid lol”.
The narrator laughed at his sons slit neck?? 0:
He’s basically gone insane that’s what it’s trying to say I think.
I agree with everyone who said the laughing part at the end was unbelievable.
I’m also not sure how much I buy that someone would just leave their window open at night. I know I wouldn’t.
The writing left much to be desired, there were a few grammar mistakes just poor writing that would have done well in a rewrite, but this story, as is, probably is good enough for this site anyway.
The ending was pretty nice and ironic, although predictable.
Confused:
“I pointed and showed him the branch tapping against the window pane.”
What the hell was he showing his kid, then? He says at the end there are no trees in his yard, something he conveniently forgot, but shows him a branch? If it was supposed to be a finger or something, the dad is an even bigger laughing-at-my-kid-being-dead idiot than I thought.
So the dad grabbed blood stained sheets and doesn’t feel the wetness?