How I loved camping as a kid! I loved running around through the forests, I loved airsoft wars with my brother and cousins, I loved quading, but most of all, I loved finding one special rock to take home from each trip. When I was about 14, there was a family wide camping trip that my parents, my brother, and I were attending. All of my cousin, aunts, and uncles would be there.
It was a two hour drive to our little camping area. It mainly consisted of a dirt paty, a little field that barely fit all of our tents and trailers, and a forest. We were the last ones there and as I got out of the car, my 12 year old cousin Madeleine greeted me. Maddi and I were very close as kids. I noticed there was a certain light in her eyes that I didn’t always see in her. She also was grasping something in her hand.
“Look! Look!” Maddi shouted in my face. “Auntie Dana and I just went for a walk and we found all these cool deer bones!”
She held the bone up to my face.
“C’mon! I’ll show ya where they are!” she yelled.
What an interesting thought! Instead of a special rock, I’d bring home a bone! I paced along after her down the dirt road.
After about thirty minutes of walking down the narrow dirt road, I began to think we were getting lost but Maddi insisted she knew where they were. I was getting hungry as it was nearing supper time and I hadn’t eaten since a couple hours before I left. I was also thirsty, sooo thirsty..
“Here!” Maddi announced.
There they were. Bones were scattered everywhere. I snapped a few pictures with my camera. I picked up about five that I wanted to take home. Maddi herself had already picked out two that were back in the tent we were going to share for the weekend. My stomach rumbled so without saying another word, I grabbed Maddi’s arm and began stumbling back to our tiny campsite.
…
That night left me feeling a little creeped out. Maddi was asleep beside me. I felt so vulnerable in a tent with my little cousin. I was scared that a pack of coyotes or a bear would show up and rip us to shreds while everyone else slept in their warm trailers. Suddenly, there was a scratching noise coming from outside the tent and the zipper unzipped from the outside. Maddi awoke with a jolt.
A women, obviously missing some body parts, crawled into the tent.
“Please,” she whispered, “I need my bones back.”
Credit To: li’l cuz n I
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Pretty predictable but other than that it was good.
“You see, I was a veteran. I was shot and my arm became infected thus needing it amputated. Likewise for my leg. I need these bones to hold a Native American traditional burial for my pet deer”
The beginning of the story was really good in my opinion. But I think that you rushed to the end. The story would’ve gotten a much higher rating from me if you had developed a sequence of terrifying events that led up to the woman crawling into the tent. I would really like to see a revamped version of this showing up here sometime
Stare at her?!? Damn grab one of her bones you obviously have in the tent and beat seven shades into her with it…but don’t just stare
NOTE:THIS IS MODIFIED SURVIVAL. MEANING I’M THE ANTAGONIST. AND NO REVIEW.
The bones. Where are my bones? Why did someone want my bones? They are evil. They think the world is theirs. I will show them the same cruelty. I will take their bones. And they will pay.
really?! you just stared at her?! get something, anything you can find even if its your hand or foot. just beet the shit out of her! give me your worst!!!!! anything better than this.
O-kay…creepy.
She said please, just hand em back say I’m sorry and go change your shorts!
LoL
When he grabbed her arm I thought it was going to say he ate it right off and left the bone. xD
Great story though, like it.
5/10
A women? What, were they a conjoined twin or something?
Yeah, I hate when that happens.
at least she was nice enough to ask for them back. clearly, she didnt need to
Agreed bro. Agreed.
Creeped me out, and gets a ten, because they used exactly correct spelling of my name AND nickname.
This is why you bring a rifle, kids.
I’ll be definitely not be camping with a cousin? Lol I found it good. I thought it was getting good. But then I notice the ending being massive short. 3/10, due to lack of effort
This had potential. I don’t know what you could have done differently, but to make this really good you’d have to work the presentation really hard. It’d be really hard to get this to have a shocking reveal, but if you could pull it off, I’d be impressed.
Is it wierd that this story reminds of the episode from Family Guy were Peter’s family lends him their bones.
Or when Peter finds that indian chiefs’ skull in their back yard.
This is short enough to tell on a real campsite
Great for the camp I’m going to next summer
Yeah it was okay the idea at the end creeped me out but if a women came in my tent i’d be beating the crap out of it not stare at her. ;) 9/10 Bravo.
pretty well written……..not much scary but liked the idea of ending…….its gud to make pastas like this where u think u know the ending but turns out other way
No
Just no