• Duane

    This was brilliant. It was very well written. Pumpkinhead eat your heart out.

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: +9 (from 11 votes)
    • Slender

      I wouldn’t mind being brought back from the dead to avenge myself
      I really liked this one
      it made me think

      VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
      Rating: +17 (from 17 votes)
      • Hallucination

        Dude SHE wasn’tbrought back. It wasa demon, but she still watched

        VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
        Rating: +9 (from 9 votes)
  • Dawn

    I really liked this one. It took it back to the way zombies were originally, which is different than what everyone is doing now. You also mixed in the dark magic part and gave lots of details, which most people don’t when writing ritualistic stories. All in all I liked it.

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: +14 (from 16 votes)
  • carly

    one of my favorites :D

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: +2 (from 2 votes)
  • arcanum

    truely a story worthy of creepy pasta…very well done!

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: +1 (from 1 vote)
  • Kat

    Awesome concept. Awesome delivery. Awesome execution.

    Not so awesome formatting.

    For one thing, the dialogue was confusing. Use commas, and start new paragraphs for new speakers! For instance:

    “I will need the item.” She said as he left.

    Should be:

    "I will need the item," she said as he left.

    Most of the dialogue was like this, and to me it was very distracting. I honestly can’t believe no other commenters mentioned this, which is one of the only reasons why I’m commenting myself (I usually lurk, and don’t comment unless something is really fantastic).

    The change in POV should have been marked by something, too — tildes (~) or something, anything really. There were so many names at the beginning that it was a bit confusing (I’m still not 100% sure on which names were children and which were parents), but I decided to persevere and was rewarded by an overall awesome tale.

    Good job.

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: +11 (from 17 votes)
    • I live in your closet

      Thank you kindly, and I truly mean that.

      VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
      Rating: +4 (from 4 votes)
  • Aroso

    best pasta I’ve read in a while. creepy, but not something i’ll lose sleep over. 9/10.

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: +2 (from 2 votes)
  • hydrangea

    Perfect execution and the purpose, description and concept were so well done. It’s not the rise of the dead from out of the blue, damn brilliant.

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: +1 (from 1 vote)
  • Someone you wish u never met

    Loved it

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: +1 (from 1 vote)
  • Anonymous

    This jumped around so much i could not follow it! nothing made sense!

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: -11 (from 11 votes)
    • I live in your closet

      Could you be more specific dear? I’d like to be able to fix everything that’s wrong.

      VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
      Rating: +2 (from 2 votes)
      • LHSS

        I think they’re just over dramatic. Yes the change in view point was jarring, but the whole story didn’t ‘jump around’.

        Overall, very well done. I was concerned at first you were ripping off Nightmare on Elm Street, but I like where you went with it.

        Maybe a little more proof reading next time. ;)

        VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
        Rating: +1 (from 1 vote)
  • Tadhg

    Well… Damn

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: +2 (from 2 votes)
  • http://www.karlarei2003.deviantart.com KarlaRei

    Wonderful. 10/10

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
  • angelmaker777

    caligo venificus translates to mist sorcerer you were looking for exhibito magicae

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
  • Anonymous

    Be careful of too much detail in one place and too little in others. Three years to become a black belt? The norm is 6-12 years. That being said, we didn’t really get to hear much about what actually happened, the characters got introduced in a rush and there were simply too many for anyone to care about one or the other. You should have written in a scene where Mr.Lamb actually DID something, or the revenge effect is lost. The zombie/demon part is cool…but we need to be attached to the girl in order to find the revenge interesting.

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: +6 (from 6 votes)
    • Nicola Marie Jackson

      I disagree, Hon I don’t need to know details of child abuse to enjoy the story. We are told he touched them and that’s plenty knowledge for me xx

      VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
      Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
      • kconley

        I agree, I thought it was great. I dont particularly want details on child molestation. I think the writer made it clear what was done to the children. To me, even in creepy stories, there are some things that don’t need to be written in detail. I did enjoy this story and the thought of his terror before he died actualy seemed fitting for what he did. Great story .

        VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
        Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
        • Nicola Marie Jackson

          My opinion too, creepy doesn’t have to come from details and just knowing that abuse happened, is scary enough. If you want details of child abuse then I worry about you xx

          VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
          Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
  • Sweatpants

    Too predictable for me. Once we get to the Bone Woman, we can easily predict what is going to happen. At the very least, we know Lamb will die, and I felt there was nothing significant to make the scene memorable.

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: -2 (from 8 votes)
  • Anonymous

    Dafaq did I just read?

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: -3 (from 5 votes)
  • GreenDay4evs

    Yeah! Get that bastard Beatrice!

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: +4 (from 4 votes)
  • Anonymous

    “Patrick and Dustin had taken their adopted daughter Yuan to a consular, who’d convinced her to open up.” – I had no idea that diplomats were so adept at child psychology…

    (Non-sarcastic version: the correct word is “counselor”, a consular is a low ranking diplomat working at an embassy).

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: +3 (from 5 votes)
    • Nicola Marie Jackson

      Maybe they took a child psychology course on the weekends. I know a horse that has learnt to knit, don’t box folks in Xx

      VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
      Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
  • Cucumberr Souppp

    10/10

    Love everything about this.

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 0 (from 2 votes)
  • JustTerra

    I’d found it to be a bit cliche and predictable, although it was well written. It just lacked a lot of the surprise factor, and was sort of a bore to read. I did not find this scary.

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: +1 (from 1 vote)
  • :)

    Although predictable at some parts, it resonated with me. Good job!

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: -1 (from 1 vote)
  • Grizzly Pistolero

    I LOVED this.
    The details on the spell and ingredients were the best part.
    It’s obvious that you know your stuff.

    Does anyone know of any pastas that are similar to this?

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    Rating: 0 (from 2 votes)
  • B)

    creepypastas about killing child molesters are my favorites tbh

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
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