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A Ghost Story



Estimated reading time — 5 minutes

I was an American male on the loose in Belgium in the late 80’s. The tiny village I lived in was called Cambron-Casteau and was only a few kilometers north of the French Frontier. The town was truly nondescript and an ancient abbey remained the only interesting feature it possessed. The abbey’s remains stood on fifty acres of land just beyond the town with a great house, a tower, forests, lakes and catacombs! The latter caught my attention as soon as I learned of them. I investigated the tunnels both historically and physically. Originally, it seems monks in the late 1500’s connected the abbey to the church in nearby town of Lens with underground tunnels, and may even have gone as far as Mons. This is no small feat as Mons rests twenty kilometers from the abbey and Cambron-Casteau. It then appears that Hitler could not leave something like an underground tunnel alone and had it walled up during Belgium’s occupation because too many of his soldiers got lost trying to chase out the resistance fighters. There was evidence of this down some of the underground corridors where a newer wall ended all forward advances or a room was filled floor to ceiling with a pile of rocks. Despite the diminished area of the tunnels they still held my attention and I soon knew every available inch. When I was not in the catacombs I was walking through the abbey’s forests or around the lakes till the late afternoons. It was on one of these lazy Sunday walks that my life changed… forever.

Call me paranoid if you wish, but the late 80’s in Europe was no time for an American to walk around alone. It seems the Nazi Party was not quite as dead as we had been lead to believe and chance encounters with young skinheads became a very real possibility and a very real danger as well. For this reason, I took to carrying a certain semi-automatic friend of mine under my coat on my left side to give a would-be assailant .45 reasons to rethink his position. I will not discuss my occupation at the time, or why I could get away with this, suffice to say that I could, and leave it at that.

I was walking around the largest of the abbey’s lakes late on a Sunday afternoon when I saw a woman about two hundred meters from me near one of the entrances to the tunnels. I could tell she wore a dress, but she had some kind of cloak over it hiding any details of the garment. I did noticed her figure, but few other details. There was no obvious evidence that she was in distress or needed assistance, it was just a feeling I got as I walked toward her, and she moved toward the catacomb door. Reflexively I adjusted the comforting chunk of finely milled steel under my left arm, reassuring myself it was still there even though I knew it was. By the time I reached the door to the tunnels she had disappeared inside with only one glance back at me as I approached. The late afternoon sun was casting many long shadows and I was too far away to see her face clearly, save for her eyes. Her eyes simultaneously bothered me and drew me to her. Loose stones crunched underfoot as I left the paved trail for the gravel road to the catacomb entrance. I did not notice at the time, but she had made no noise on the gravel. My approach to the door had been from the side and I did not actually see her open the door to go in. When I reached the door I had to grasp and engage the metallic thumb latch and swing the door wide on rusty hinges. It never entered my conscious mind that I hadn’t heard the hinges when she went in, but my subconscious was pulling double duty trying to keep me alive by taking over my right arm and moving my hand to the butt of the heavy Colt 1911A1 in my shoulder rig. I had been in these tunnels often enough to know where I was. The entryway beyond the door had two exits. The one on my right led to the greatest area of tunnels. The exit in front of me was little more than a rubble-covered stairway that branched to two separate short passageways that both dead-ended. As I paused for my eyes to adjust I heard a faint indeterminate sound from the direction in front of me. My eyes had not yet righted themselves, but I moved forward anyway… I knew these tunnels… she may need me!

As I moved my eyes cleared and I noticed a feint glow like a match up a tunnel that I knew stopped at some of the Fuhrer’s masonry. When I rounded the last bend I saw her. She had her back to me and she starred at the wall. Her hair was long and straight and the deepest raven black. Her curves were not the kind to get lost in a crowd either. As I stood there memorizing every inch of her she began to turn to me. Her face was a mask of death! There were no eyes in the sockets of her dried skull as she looked at me. There was no skin on the bones of her hands as she raised them toward me. What happened next I pieced together later. My instinctual reaction was to bring up the gun in a perfect weaver stance and dump the entire clip into… it. I also started to back away at the same time and fell. This must have been what I had done, for when I came to my senses I was laying on my back in the pitch dark. I fished a Zippo out of my pocket and surveyed the area. I found no woman, no blood, no appreciable time had passed according to my watch, no rational reason that I could see before and now it was dark, and no real desire to stay in the tunnels one second longer. I quit the catacombs before anyone came to investigate the shots and hurried home. At home I discovered some unnerving facts. I had cut my head when I fell. When I washed the blood out of my hair, I found the most startling gray streak over both of my temples that had not been there mere hours earlier. I really wanted this to just be some kind of horrible dream, but the more time passed; the more I began to remember. This seemed totally opposite to a normal dream that one would usually forget by the end of the morning coffee. This dream was getting more vivid as time passed.

I remembered a sharp pain in my gut and coughing or… no… choking! Yes, that was it… Choking! I was gasping for air! I could not breathe and my poor, sweet little girl, the child I clutched in my arms, dead… My husband… my husband had been taken away and must surely be dead also. My…

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WHAT!?!?!?

I nearly fell. What was I thinking? I did not have a child, much less a husband?! Then I saw her. She was standing right next to me… in my own house! She was not the skeleton she had been, her smooth skin was the palest white and now looked as it must have… in life. A little shorter than me, jet black hair, even in death she was beautiful. She was pulling her hand back as if she had been touching my shoulder.

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I understand now. The SS must have caught her and other resistance fighters in the tunnels when they walled them up. All she wants is a decent burial. This is not too much to ask. I’m leaving now with a pick and a shovel to do the right thing. The labyrinth beyond the walls is unmapped. I do not know where she died. I only hope she stays around long enough to lead me back out of the tunnels when my work for her is done. If she does not, however, I leave this testament to any who come looking for me that they may at least have a clue as to where my body may lay…


Credited to SFC_HeadShot.

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95 thoughts on “A Ghost Story”

  1. Oz The Wizard of FAP

    Read first sentance………… “Well time to read comments.”

    Sorry to say this but comments were better than the story

    This pasta place gets a staggering 1 1/2 stars -__-

  2. Uhm… the narrator must be the slowest learner in the world, if the whole first part of the story was “in the 80’s” (meaning it’s at least the 90’s when he is telling it), yet only now he understood what happened and is going to dig up that poor ghost’s remains…
    Were I the ghost, I would have started looking for someone more helpful years ago.
    Not to mention that he “was” in Belgium, the whole first part is told as if he doesn’t live there anymore, yet there’s no mention of him planning to go back to Belgium, it’s just as if all he has to do is leaving from his front door.
    And then, come on… he really plans to go into unmapped tunnels hoping for an helpful ghost to lead him out afterwards? He knows the tunnels are unmapped, so he could as well bring something along to find his way back, even just an old-fashioned spool of thread.

  3. Are you guys serious, it was amazing. Good ending and good beginning. What you have to realize is that it’s supposed to seem like he has not made it up, by doing this he has to make it seem as if he didn’t make it up and that he doesn’t know all the details and that he is still finding them out. God. Talk about tough critics, top marks from me.

  4. Personally, I find it amusing how people can go all “Aw, cuddly love demon just wants your snuggles” on a certain ritual pasta, but people are calling this disgusting? My only personal issue with this pasta is that the paragraphs ramble a bit. they’re too long and I feel they should be divided up a bit more. It wasn’t a bad story and you’ll see a lot worse if you watch horror movies on Netflix or have seen all of the Midnight Horrorfest movies.

    I’d rate this pasta a 6/10. It was a little too al dente for me. I would suggest you cook for a little longer next time, and spice the sauce.

  5. This was… meh. It had potential but I could not get into it. The beginning was as exciting as watching paint dry. It was very cliché. 3/10

  6. The continent of europe in the 1980’s was unsafe for U.S citizens who are presumabley of european descent (white) because of skinheads……

    i stopped reading there. Sorry 2/10

  7. We’ve all seen this kind of Pasta before. Not the premise, but where the beginning shows potential, but then it seems the author ran out of time/got bored of writing and the ending kind of petered out without a good resolution.

    That being said, it wasn’t bad. Pretty good descriptions, nice reference to the Colt, unique premise, but like I said, the ending could have been better.

    6/10

  8. Eh. I guess it\’s a decent story to share with friends in a HS English class, but it should be re-written as a comedy, because that\’s what it comes off as.

    As soon as I read the part about the protagonist carrying a gun around to protect himself against Belgian Neo-Nazis, it completely shattered the suspension of disbelief. You might as well have thrown in a dancing zombie Stalin for good measure.

    I don\’t usually get anal about historical accuracy in ghost stories, because fiction is fiction, but it\’s obvious that the author didn\’t do any research. Although I\’m clearly biased because I was born in Belgium, to American parents, at SHAPE.

    All in all, it\’s something a beginning writer should be proud of, but future stories would need a lot more research and refinement if the author wants to be taken seriously.

  9. Eh. I guess it’s a decent story to share with friends in a HS English class, but it should be re-written as a comedy, because that’s what it comes off as.

    As soon as I read the part about the protagonist carrying a gun around to protect himself against Belgian Neo-Nazis, it completely shattered the suspension of disbelief. You might as well have thrown in a dancing zombie Stalin for good measure.

    I don’t usually get anal about historical accuracy in ghost stories, because fiction is fiction, but it’s obvious that the author didn’t do any research. Although I’m clearly biased because I was born in Belgium, to American parents, at SHAPE.

    All in all, it’s something a beginning writer should be proud of, but future stories would need a lot more research and refinement if the author wants to be taken seriously.

  10. I walked where you walked, and explored where you explored, in the same time period. Nothing to report except the catacomes you are refering to were all flooded. No ghosts no, neo-nazi’s to speak of , as a young American I was never scared of anything in Belgium. Perhaps we could talk about your encounter.

  11. Lame… It’s just about testosterone, or “gun”, and a guy who claims to know every bend of the tunnels but forgets it in the end… Oh, and a ghost… I think… But more of testosterone and idiocracy…

  12. The technical writing is not up to par, I’m sorry. The idea in se wasn’t terrible, but it could have been much better executed, especially the ending.

  13. “…that changed my life… forever.”
    Stopped reading there. That is the absolute, 100% most fucking cliche thing in history. It’s in every movie trailer, every summary on the back of a book, and I am disgusted you used it. >_>
    3/10. I lied, I read the rest and it wasn’t great.

  14. Sir Nigel Niggelton the third

    meh. not horrible, but not amazing. oh and quit tryin to sound like a douchebag james bond, not good for reader relation to main character

  15. I finally got past the wall of text here and spent a few minutes reading this story. Totally not worth it. Do you see that button above the Shift key? You should press it when you’re writing. Also, spellchecking does not involve pressing F7 and just holding down Alt+C. Pitiful. .45/10

  16. Decent story but, I lol’d at

    “the late 80’s in Europe was no time for an American to walk around alone. It seems the Nazi Party blah blah blah”

    and

    “I took to carrying a certain semi-automatic friend of mine under my coat on my left side to give a would-be assailant .45 reasons to rethink his position. I will not discuss blah blah blah”

    That killed the mood for me…

  17. It wasn’t a great story, but had some good concepts. Given that I’m trolling these for RPG ideas, that’s enough for me. As for all the criticism… Is there actually a story posted here that doesn’t have huge amounts of criticism? Anything people actually agree is good? I’ve yet to find it.

  18. You’re trying too hard, and you’ll want to stop reading now if you want your ego intact.

    For example, you imply that the narrator is a spy of some sort, which is supposed to explain why he’s carrying a gun around. Except Europe has much tighter gun restrictions than the US. If the lead is a spy, why is he illegally carrying a high-powered weapon around in a conspicuous fashion? Wouldn’t a spy have trained himself NOT to reach for his gun when he’s worried, in order to avoid drawing attention to it? Also, what type of spy has time to go exploring?

    Does the time period have any relevance to the story? Not really. Dump it.

    It helps to humanize a character if they have emotion, any sort of positive emotion for all, for even one person. Mention that he told someone where he was going, which is a basic precaution for going caving or tunneling.

    Here’s a better idea; instead of a spy, make the lead some kid backpacking around Europe. He’s carrying his Dad’s old .45 just in case, and he stays in town, at a hostel, while he explores the tunnels. He meets the ghost, shoots at her, and tells his friend about it when he gets back to the hostel, before the dreams kick in, and then he finds himself back at the tunnel, with a shovel in his hands. Gripped by some strange compulsion, he starts to dig…

  19. Eh… it was pretty bad. Time paradox, over describing bad details, douchebag main character, and way way way to long. It was really twisty, I couldn’t tell what the fuck was going on the entire time. Sounds like something I would right in middle school for English class.

  20. I loved the whole concept but I have to admit it was very sloppy writing, it had somewhat potential but the way it was written let it down. I think it was a little rushed too which made it confusing. It was alright, just needed to be a little better.

  21. oh, i forgot to mention: of course, before even talking to the woman, he takes the time to “admire her” and her beautiful look. Would have been more realistic if he dropped gun and pants and started masturbating right behind her, since we’re at it, hmmm?

  22. this story started as a potentially interesting story with a decent writing, despite occasional errors.
    It gets gradually uglier and more cheap’n’clichè since the moment where the woman appears. Of course, the eyes are what draws him, like in ever cheaply written fanfiction or old romance story. The eyes. Of course she has long, black hair and wears a dress.I’ve yet to see a ghost womah who has a healty skin, blonde hair and wearing pants. It’s evident that this isn’t creepy enough for most readers, as if long, black hair, pale skin and such were scar instead of just plain and goth. Of course there was a “feint” glow, and she was “starring” at the wall. But i could bear all this. When suddendly…
    “Her face was a mask of death!” – “WHAT!?!?!?” “I did not have a child, much less a husband?!” “right next to me… in my house!”
    Now listen, kiddies. If there is something that you must not, and i emphasize NOT, do in a story, under any circumstance, unless you’re going for a very original writing style (and the writer of this story wasn’t)
    is to write something like this. Did the quotes i listed before scream WHO WAS PHONE!?!?!? loud? indeed they do.
    So, for short: clichè story, clichè theme, ugly
    writing with OMGEMPHASIS!!! a cheap, plain, idiotic final. An all-around 1/10.

  23. Good God, the story lost me at the part about the semi-automatic that the protagonist seems to be casually carrying around Europe (to fight neo-nazis, no less). It’s not even relevant for the rest of the story! The ending was also a huge huge letdown in an otherwise merely silly and schmalzy story.
    If I had to describe this story in one sentence I’d call it “Rambo on vacation meets hot ghost chick.”

  24. “Meh” is my response. Some good elements, some bad elements.

    I honestly really liked the “.45 reasons” part. Belongs a bit more in a action story and not a creepy story, but whatevs.

  25. I don’t think it was bad as everyone is saying. However the ending needs a lot of work; it was too sudden and cliched.

  26. “I took to carrying a certain semi-automatic friend of mine under my coat on my left side to give a would-be assailant .45 reasons to rethink his position.”

    PPPPFFFFTTTTHAHAHAHA

  27. I know it’s a bit redundent to criticise these pastas for “realism”, but I think you’ll find the European Nazi right we’re pretty pro US in the late ’80s.

  28. This was incredibly cliche. The premise has been done a million times before and this story does nothing new and interesting with it.

    Also: The bizarre way the story seems to try to build the main character up as some sort of tougher than you, uber-macho, license to kill badass seemed really out of place and did absolutely nothing for the rest of the story.

    Boring story. Too bad to be entertaining, not bad enough to be hilarious.

  29. Firstly = Farson – Thaaaaaank you – you said exactly what I wanted to say, couldn’t agree more.

    As for the pasta – chef, your core concept is solid. What lets it down is the construction. Food metaphors aside, the issue with this story isn’t the fundamental story itself – but the writing. With heavy editing and a re-haul of the writing style (the casual POV/wall of text works for some things, but it works against you in this circumstance), you could have something decent here.

  30. I kinda liked it. The ending is definitely unique and in my opinion, was worth reading through the rest of the story. It did start a bit off, but righted itself after the line about the gun and became pretty damn creepy.

  31. It’s a nice idea, if a little overused, and the writing was weak. Author, pleasseee learn to write, as has been said.

  32. I like a good “draw me in” story, and this was definitely one. The narrator is a bit full of himself…but other than that I thought it was great!

  33. The thing that bothered me the wost were the freakishly long paragraphs. A wall of text isn’t very fun to read, it’s overwhelming.

    Concept was interesting, but the execution wasn’t so good. As mentioned before, the story gets dragged down by insignificant details.

    Not a terrible read, but not something I want to re-read.

  34. Fart McFartison

    that was like eating a poop-sandwich while getting hit in the back of the head with a ball peen hammer. then afterwards, being read a bad story.

  35. It wasn’t as bad as you all seem to be saying it is. Granted, it’s not great, but there’s much worse on here.
    Also…who the fuck actually gets scared at these things? Sometimes I think “Ooh… That was a good twist.” or “Wow. I wouldn’t like that…” but I never get scared.
    And this one was kind of good because of it. I guess if you’re claustrophobic, this might have more of an effect…

  36. @SGT B.A. Nekid

    I love how rather than make any actual points to defend this awful story you simply imply that everyone who disagrees with you must be a stupid child, way to totally destroy your credibility. Also, it’s obvious that you either are the author or a friend of his and that you’re the preteen here.

    Feel free to come back when you’re ready to sit at the big boys’ table.

  37. This has a few good elements. Could do without the “back in the 80’s-last message” time paradox, the gun description thing was clever but belongs in a noir pulp fiction, and the sudden cliche ending claws you in the face like a crazed zombie chick.

    And the protagonist should be less of an action-man, this isn’t MacGyver and all the gun stuff and secret job make him sound like a douchebag. You’re supposed to identify with the main character of a creepypasta, and action movie heroes aren’t your target audience.

  38. They’re called guide wires, you should try them

    Failpasta is fail

    2/10 just cause I like the nazis being in this

  39. I guess I’m not the only one who thought this blew.

    For the love of God, leave out unnecessary info. You made it two times longer than it should have been.

  40. The author obsesses too much over insignificant details to the point where the story becomes dry and the reader bogged down. It’s distracting. There really was no squirm factor to it – the spirit appears to be a benevolent one, eliminating all chances of the story being disturbing.
    Fair attempt, but it didn’t pan out well. Return to the drawing board.

  41. the army is on its way! just kiddin, not gonna waste any resources on your dumb ass. tht was pretty horrible. let me rewrite that pasta for you

    THER ARE NAZIS! RAWR TUNNELS! NAZI KILLED PEOPLE IN TUNNELS! I MUST BURY DEAD CHICK CAUSE SHE SAID SO! IMA GO DIE IN TUNNEL NOW, HERES A LETTER!

  42. “As I stood there memorizing every inch of her she began to turn to me.” — What kind of perv as shit…..anyways, this pasta was terrible! Absolutely horrifying.

  43. I love the scenario, but why is the intro being recalled as if it was many years ago if it’s a note from the 1980’s? Did he just now realize what the ghost wants, and is going back? It’s hard to follow : I

  44. That was really bad.

    It was obvious that you tried hard to make a peaceful ending sound dangerous at the last second.

  45. Ew.
    Was this reduced fat creepypasta? Because it lacked flavor.
    It was somewhat interesting as a short story; but lacked creepiness.
    It wasn’t awful, but I wouldn’t read it again.
    5/10.

  46. SGT B.A. Nekid

    As I read the above meanderings of little children, whom I am impressed could even understand your written words, I shake my head in dismay at the so called “future” of mankind. SFC Headshot, you are now and have always been a superb storyteller, disregard the words of these little preteens. Keep up the good work

  47. It was at “I took to carrying a certain semi-automatic friend of mine under my coat on my left side to give a would-be assailant .45 reasons to rethink his position.” that I just stared at the screen and said, out loud, “You have got to be fucking KIDDING me.”

    A tip for future pasta: it helps if your main character comes across as actually believing the words he’s saying, rather than as a smug, posturing douchebag.

  48. Yeah, not so great. It didn’t make sense to me that the story starts off as if this was being written today about events that happened 20+ years ago, but at the end it suddenly changes as if the events were happening “right now” as the author is running out the door to go dig up the dead girl.

    Endings are hard I guess.

  49. WHAT!?!?!?

    I don’t think I was supposed to laugh at the above sentence, yet I did. This was very poor, the concept was decent but it was poorly written and paced.

    Also! exclamation! points! have! no! place! in! a! creepy! story!

  50. It gave me the worst case of ADD possible. I have never had such a hard time staying focused on a creepypasta. I ended up reading it really fast just so I get the gist of what’s going on. Needs a good attention grabber.

  51. I don’t think it was that bad. It’s refreshing to see something a little different on here, it actually kept my attention unlike some of the earliee ones.

  52. I dunno, I liked it. It has a touch of realism that I thought fit well and wasn’t absurd. The only issue I have is the way the protagonist makes references to how “it was the 80s” and “that’s something you just didn’t do” as if telling a story to someone in the present about the past, when at the end it was apparently meant to be a last message.

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